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''Lal'' is a teleplay written for Brent Spiner by Gail in 1992. The teleplay was intended to be used to script an episode of ''Star Trek: The Next Generation''. It was politely rejected by Paramount Studios without comment. 
[[File:Picard-facepalm.jpg|thumb|center|400px|alt=text|Without comment]]
Gail poured hundreds of hours over many months into writing ''Lal'', studying writing by reading books about it and even enrolling into a college program to learn how to be a better writer. Strangely, she enrolled in the ''Institute For Children's Literature''. Gail asked church members, her teacher, and anyone else who willing to read the story for their critiques.  She was pleased when she received harsh criticism, and claims to have used it to make the teleplay even better. There were many drafts of ''Lal'', most of which she sent to Brent Spiner in her letters to him, so that he too could review it. Needless to say, he never got back to her on that. Gail eventually published ''Lal'' on Amazon.com and had it featured in the Star Trek fanzine ''Data Entries''. She recounts being so obsessed with writing this teleplay that she neglected her bodily needs, particularly in regards to her teeth. She would stay up so late working on it every night that she would be too tired to brush her teeth before bed. She wound up developing periodontitis (a severe mouth infection) and had to have major dental work done to fix it. Whenever she tells Brent how hard she worked on this play for him, she reminds him that she "sacrificed her teeth". The sacrifice of her teeth can be seen as the pinnacle of her dedication to this piece of writing, which she considers an epic monument to her love for Brent Spiner. 

Gail was furious with Paramount Studios for rejecting this teleplay as a script. This proved to her that there was a conspiracy among the writers, who were jealous that Gail's writing was much better than any of theirs. 

The following is a full synopsis of the play. The download file for the full copy of ''Lal'' can be found at the bottom of this page.

==INTRO TEASER==
[[File:lal-normal.jpg|thumb|left|400px|alt=text|Lal before she got beat to shit]]
The Enterprise is doing research on supernovas and how they affect nearby galaxies. 

The scene begins with the whole crew watching a star begin to explode as Captain Picard restates the obvious. The star begins to go supernova, but then for some reason fails, deciding to just burn out instead. According to Data, the survival of several planets depends on that star going supernova because their civilizations are powered entirely on radioactive energy, which they can only get from the residue of nearby supernovas, and not from anything far easier like nuclear power plants. How Data is the only person that knew all about this prior to the mission is not explained, especially since the Federation has never been outside the milky way galaxy, but it certainly would have saved them a lot of time on researching the matter any further. Data, despite being an android with no emotions, feels a moral twinge about letting these planets die and asks whether they should use the technology their ship has to force the star to go supernova. The supernova antagonizing technology Data is referring to is never specified, but it can be assumed that everyone on the bridge is familiar enough with it to know what he means, and they don't have to ask. Picard, apparently forgetting what the Prime Directive actually is, says this would be a violation of it, because other civilizations aren't supposed to know about the existence of the Federation. Data begins to explain that the civilization is pretty advanced, but Picard isn't interested in confirming whether or not these extremely unfamiliar species are warp drive capable and therefor not in the jurisdiction of the Prime Directive, and able to be saved. Instead, he expresses a morbid curiosity to know how much longer the civilizations now have before the breakdown of their societies leads to the total extinction of their respective species. Data informs him that it will be about a year. Picard nods, reassured somehow of his decision to not interfere, not because he avoided the slippery slope of playing god with the development of a primitive civilization, which is what the Prime Directive was intended to prevent, but because of the importance of other aliens not knowing about the existence of others. 

Suddenly, without warning, the main screen is taken over by a message from another ship. Appearing on screen is Data's daughter, Lal, who has apparently been beaten up. She collapses, and Data's brother, Lore, appears in her place. Riker glances at Data to assess his reaction to the scene, presumably to make sure he is okay emotionally, which he is, since he's an android, and expresses nothing. Data asks Lore how he obtained his daughter (who died at the end of her episode) and what he has done to her. Lore, like the icky woman beater he is, creepily informs them that Lal "had an accident". He then disconnects, saying nothing else. Picard is concerned and asks for nonspecific help in finding where Lore and Lal were hailing from, but nobody can locate them.

==ACT ONE==

The crew has abandoned their very important mission to research supernovas and is now focused entirely on rescuing Lal. Data explains that he can track Lal by [[brain to brain|turning on a special program in his brain that receives her emotions]]. Geordi is concerned about this and doesn't want Data to do that to himself. Data reflects that it was Lal's emotions that caused her to die, and for the moment agrees with Geordi to not risk it.

==ACT TWO==

Picard is talking to the Commander of Starfleet about Lal. The Commander refuses to disclose information on the location of Lal since it's not in his jurisdiction to deal with that. Instead of forwarding Picard's call to the proper department however, he tells Picard that Lal is the legal property of Starfleet Research and suggests that if Picard wants to change the laws about androids, he's going to need to take Lal, Data, Lore and the head of Starfleet Research, Admiral Haftel, to court. This is apparently how new laws are made in modern times -- through the process of personal civil suits as opposed to appealing to lawmakers on a national level or something ridiculous like that. Picard tactlessly whines for the Commander to do what he wants, arguing that Lore and Admiral Haftel wouldn't cooperate for a trial and that Lal might get the crap beat out of her again any minute. The Commander hangs up on him.

The scene cuts forward to a later time on the bridge. Lore randomly reappears on screen again. Lore explains that Admiral Haftel handed Lal over to Lore so that Lore could make her more "fully functional". The sexual overtones are so heavy here it would come as no surprise if this story suddenly took a turn for the slashfic, and truthfully the reader may already be bracing for that...as they should be. Data is concerned about Lal's feelings, forgetting that she has none, just like him, so there should be no reason why it even occurred to him to ask this. Lore says that he wants Data to help him create an emotion chip for Lal. Picard tells Lore that he needs to talk with Data and that they need to hang up, but Lore threatens that if Picard doesn't beam Data over right away, he will kill Lal. This concerns Data, who tells Picard he thinks he should go. Picard, forgetting that he's the boss, tells Data that he doesn't think it's a good idea but he can go if he really wants to. If we're still setting sail for a slashfic here, this would be the perfect setup to an awkward, incestual robot threeway.

[[File:picard-riker-face.jpg|frame|center|alt=text|Without comment]]


The crew suddenly knows where Lore is located, so Data beams over there. As soon as he does so, he gets shot in the head with an energy beam. Lore warns that unless Data does what he says, he will remove Lal's program from his brain forever (the one that allows him to track her emotions). He then completes the process of kidnapping Data by imprisoning him in a room. Data, still slow to realize what is happening, is confused when he can't just simply contact Picard for help, finding that his communicator has also been deactivated. 

Meanwhile, Picard is zoning out in his ready room. He gets interrupted by a visit from Troi, who is just now voicing concern over whether they should have let Data beam over to his maniacal evil twin, who had just destroyed another robot and has been threatening to kill if his demands aren't met. Riker enters behind Troi, informing Picard that Data appears to have been taken prisoner, since they can no longer track his location or beam him back. Picard, having not foreseen this possibility, wants to get Data out of there.
[[File:Picard-doubleface.jpg|thumb|left|300px|alt=text|Without comment]]
It turns out that Data is being held hostage in a Starfleet Research building. At a loss, Riker decides that the best course of action is to fire weapons at the building's forcefield, disregarding the fact that they are opening fire on a Starfleet building and committing extremely serious treason. When weak energy beams don't work, Riker tells Worf to fire a stronger one. Worf tells Riker than anything stronger would simply melt all of the buildings. Riker, after rhetorically asking if Worf can think of any better ideas, tells Worf to do it anyway. Worf goes through with it. Not only does the energy weapon not the destroy the buildings and everyone inside them, it manages to actually just remove the forcefield, and they are able to beam Data back over.

Back at the research center, Lore and Lal are seated across from each other at a table. Lal slowly becomes conscious and looks up to see Lore. Lal so far, in her broken state, is only capable of head movements and cannot move anything else on her own. Lore says he is looking forward to the day that she will be his (sexual) companion. Lal only wants Data (as it turns out later, just as sexually), but Lore tells her he is dead. He grasps her hand tenderly only to change his mind suddenly and be grossed out.

The crew of the Enterprise is seated in the observation lounge. Data is explaining to the rest of the crew how the brains of androids work, and how Dr. Soong programmed emotions into them. Android brains happen to work exactly like human brains, and rely on "chemicals" for healthy emotional function. Data's plan is to fix Lore's [[schizophrenia|chemical imbalances that are causing his insanity]], so that they can save Lal. He also has the genius idea of asking Admiral Haftel for copies of Dr. Soong's research so that they can do this, but Picard has to remind Data that Admiral Haftel isn't going to cooperate with them, which is their whole problem in the first place. Riker, forgetting for a moment that he was just firing on a Starfleet outpost just minutes ago, warns Picard that interfering with Starfleet Research will get him fired. Picard acknowledges this, but sees the "crimes" (actually just a perceived injustice, since the Commander of Starfleet already told him it was perfectly legal) committed against Data and Lal to be more important than his career, or prison. Picard then asks Geordi to get started on figuring out how to correct chemical imbalances in emotional androids, starting from scratch. Because hey, that should be pretty easy. 
[[File:bev-what.jpg|thumb|right|400px|alt=text|Without comment]]
Worf is in his room, sitting at his dining room table with his bat'leth (Klingon sword) on the table in front of him, contemplating murder. He futiley asks the computer where Admiral Haftel is, as if the computer is capable of locating any individual in the galaxy on a whim. The computer doesn't explain to Worf that there is no Admiral Haftel on board the ship, instead it just informs him that he doesn't have the clearance to know where he is. Worf tries again, this time asking the computer to locate Lal. The computer informs Worf that he doesn't have the clearance to know where Lal is either. This infuriates Worf, who growls fiercely, perhaps thinking he was on to something by asking the computer. 

Geordi and Beverly are picking apart Data's brain. However, they are no longer working on figuring out brain chemicals in androids, which makes the exposition leading up to it all but worthless, especially since it isn't explained why they decided not to go through with it. Instead, they remove a nerve strand from Data's head and place it under a microscope. Beverly, suddenly an expert on androids and deeply familiar with Dr. Soong's research, explains that Dr. Soong programmed androids to have DNA. Data and Lal's DNA should be identical for some reason, even though Lal is not a clone of Data. She says that if they can analyze Data's entire genetic code, Geordi can build a scanner ''capable of finding Lal anywhere in the entire goddamn universe''. Picard, despite not being previously aware of this possibility, says that Haftel will have been predicting the invention of this machine Geordi is about to create and will preemptively block scans coming from it. Geordi says it is worth a try anyway.

Admiral Haftel is in a room full of robot body parts thrown about like some kind of freaky android slaughterhouse. He is asking Lore if he was able to convince Data to join them, despite the fact that he could have simply ordered Captain Picard to hand Data over, since androids are the property of Starfleet, and this is the whole reason he has Lal in the first place, which is the whole point of this story's dilemma. Lore assures the Admiral that since he has removed Lal's programming from Data's brain, Data will be coming after them, forgetting that Data has no emotions and is therefor not capable of being emotionally manipulated. Admiral Haftel also forgets this, encouraging Lore to keep pressuring Data until he gives in. The Admiral is excited about the possibility of finally having a "fully functional" android.

The nature of a "fully functional" android by Lore and Haftel's definition is not actually fully explained in this story. Emotions don't affect an android's functionality at all. It's the whole point of having an android officer in the first place. Data, despite earlier in this story proving himself to be a dumbass about walking himself into kidnapping situations and forgetting that his enemies won't help him defeat them, does a pretty excellent job on the Enterprise, enough that Starfleet has desperately wanted multiple copies of him and in previous episodes had tried to take him from the Enterprise so they could figure out how to make more. In any case, stupid or not, he certainly functions much better than Lore, who is a manic depressive murderer and a good reason as to why androids should maybe not be given emotions if they are to perform well. In fact, those chemical imbalances might explain Data's problem of constantly failing to decipher basic social connotations throughout this story. Maybe he has android autism. Anyway, the only time Data has specifically used the term "fully functional" in Star Trek episodes has been in reference to his intact sexual functions. Therefor, the reader can uncomfortably conclude that both Haftel and Lore are trying to create a sex robot. Ahoy Captain, I can see slashfic shores on the horizon!

Lore's only concern is that he gets to keep Lal as long as he can convince Data to join the project. The Admiral, who's entire motive has been wanting the finished product of Lal himself, says yes for some reason. Maybe he can borrow Lal sometime when Lore isn't using her, right? Lore transports Lal from a cage over to the Admiral so he can look at her up close. [[Gail and sex|God knows why]]. Lore suddenly has a mood swing and becomes infuriated with Lal. Lal expresses that she wants to die. Lore demands that the Admiral "fixes" her problems, or he will get Haftel fired and/or kill him.

Data is trying to do research on Lal, not realizing that a military research base would block public access to that sort of thing. Worf enters the room, and reminds Data of this. He then shows Data the new scanner that Geordi and Beverly invented earlier that afternoon, shortly after mastering Data's entire genetic code. He has two copies of the scanner in fact, taking one for himself and giving the other to Data. Why they need two copies for something that is capable of scanning the entire universe is not explained, because all the scanner does is transmit the information directly into Data's brain. Worf explains that the Admiral has shields around Lal that block all scanners, including this brand new universal one, but if they can get away from the Enterprise they might find a hot spot where the scanner will work. Data and Worf ask Picard for permission to visit Starfleet Research Headquarters, and Picard gives them his blessing, not bothering to ask for an explanation. 

Admiral Haftel has abandoned Starfleet Headquarters, taking everyone and everything with him except for a single secretary whose purpose is unknown, since the building is no longer in use. Data asks her where Admiral Haftel is, but she is uncooperative, and implies that Starfleet kidnaps children for research testing all the time and never gives them back to their parents. Worf scans the area using the universal scanner, but it can't find Lal. Since they know Lal is somewhere in the building, as evidenced by the fact that Haftel doesn't want them scanning it, they could simply search for her on foot, especially since all that's standing in the way is a secretary, but that would require effort.

==ACT THREE==
[[File:data-what.jpg|thumb|left|400px|alt=text|Without comment]]
Lal is being kept in a "cagelike stroller", adding a Tim Burton-esque feel to the whole scene as Lal is being pushed around in a giant creepy baby stroller with bars on it. The Admiral enters and tells Lal that they need to move to another room, because he's taking over her research now, instead of Lore. They beam over to a laboratory and Haftel sets her down in a corner. The Admiral forgets that he could just turn off Lore and save himself a world of trouble. 

Data and Worf are still with the sociopathic secretary, trying to scan for Lal. Lore materializes and tells Data he can see Lal if he cooperates with him. He tells Data to make Worf leave, and so Worf leaves. Lore and Data then beam over to Admiral Haftel, who is back in the creepy room with all the android body parts everywhere. Lore tells Haftel that he needs to keep Data and Lal apart, but that Data is here to help with the research. Lore and Haftel bicker at each other.

Back on the Enterprise, Troi, Geordi and Beverly are talking to Captain Picard in his ready room. Troi re-explains the situation of Lore having a chemical imbalance which is making him insane, and Picard asks if they have found a way to fix chemical imbalances in android brains yet. Beverly and Geordi lament sadly that, despite being able to analyze Data's entire genetic code AND invent a universal scanner in as little as a single afternoon, that it would take years of research to figure out how to correct Lore's chemical imbalance. Part of the reason is that each individual android has different balances of chemicals in their brains, as determined by their genes, so what works for one will probably not work for another. Picard is sullen.

Back at the research station, Lore is freaking out. Despite bringing Data to the station, he doesn't trust him. He becomes frustrated that all Data and Haftel can think about is the research, even though that was entirely the point of them all being there and precisely what Lore has wanted this whole time. After shooting Haftel is the arm, he is satisfied to continue the research. Data tells Lore that he needs to let Picard know where he is so that he knows to stop looking for him. Lore allows him to do so, and then sets his phaser to kill.

Picard and crew are on the bridge, when Lore, Haftel and Data appear on screen. As soon as they all appear on screen, Picard beams Data and Haftel over. Lore tries to shoot the two of them before they can finish beaming over but it's too late. Picard then asks where Lal is, which Lore of course refuses to answer. Picard tells the emotionally unstable, homocidal Lore to keep her safe, before hanging up on him after pissing him off. 

==ACT FOUR==

Data walks onto the bridge and asks Picard if he's found Lal. Picard replies that he hasn't, and that she is in grave danger in the hands of Lore. He asks Data to follow him into the privacy of his waiting room where the two begin to discuss the possibility of Data just turning on the Lal program in his head, since the whole complicated fiasco of unraveling his DNA and inventing universal scanners has obviously failed to solve the problem of finding her. Picard is afraid that the emotions will kill Data, but Data reasons that it's the only option he has left. 

Meanwhile, Haftel has beamed back to the research lab he left Lal in. He apparently hasn't told anyone about this for some reason, even though he tells Lal he is bringing her back to Data. Haftel brings Lal with him down the hall, but instead of carrying her, he has a small tractor beam move her slowly down the hall with him as if they are walking together. Haftel says they have to leave the building before they can beam back over to the Enterprise, since communicators don't work inside.

Back at the research station, Lore stalks into the creepy android room and melts all of the stray body parts with a phaser, terrifying all of the workers, who begin to panic and run away. He then takes out the device that allows him to remove Lal's program from Data's brain, and activates it.

Data suddenly becomes alarmed that he no longer has Lal's program. But it turns out that Data had a backup copy in the ship's computer the whole time, so he asks Geordi to just bring that up for him so they can continue. This makes the entire previous scene of Lore dramatically pushing the button on the brain wiping device completely irrelevant.

In the corridor with Lal and Haftel, the two are nearing a turbolift (an elevator), which whooshes open to creepily reveal Lore standing inside. Lore grabs Haftel by the throat and lifts him in the air, and brings into the turbolift like that. The doors close and Lore beats him up.

Data is sitting in his room. He is watching old recordings of Lal, whilst caressing sentimental objects that remind him of her. He then asks the computer for instructions on how to activate her program in his brain. He then asks the computer to dim the lights for some reason while he reads, maybe for atmosphere or something. 
[[File:lal-cry.jpg|thumb|400px|alt=text|]]
The Enterprise crew is back on the bridge for another on screen message from Lore. Lore says he has found Lal, and has killed Haftel. After announcing this, he beams Lal away. Picard asks Worf where Lal is, as if he'd know, and Worf has to remind him that they can't track Lal in the buildings, which has been the problem the whole time, even though it shouldn't be, since that makes it obvious where she is and they could have just beamed over there at any time to go find her on foot, instead of relying on technology to tell them her exact position in the universe, or repetitively asking her kidnappers. Picard asks another stupid question, wanting to know if the force field is back up. Worf replies that it is up, and that it's even stronger than before, such that even the building-melting strength of the weapons they used to obliterate it last time won't work this time, as if it was a good idea to do that before. Maybe they can just blow up the whole planet. I mean, do you have any better ideas Worf? Picard then tries to find Data, presumably so he can transfer the stupid questions on to him. Data is in his quarters. 

Riker and Worf find Data on the floor in his room. Worf immediately comes to the conclusion that Data purposefully dimmed the lights so that they would notice the computer, since they wouldn't have thought to check on it otherwise if it wasn't glowing. Data seemed to know this his human companions, like the primitive animals they are, would be attracted to shiny things. The computer shows Lal's location at Starfleet Research, and somehow also knows that the building is going to detonate in five minutes. Riker taps his communicator and informs Picard that Data is nonfunctional, then plays the message on the computer for Picard, who begins to cry. He bites his quivering lips to hold back manly tears. 

Geordi and Worf beam down to the Starfleet Research lab somehow. They are able to find Haftel and Lal right away. Haftel is of course dead, and Lal is just laying on her side looking terrified, still paralyzed. They both notice a disc in Haftel's dead hand. Geordi asks Worf what it is, and the scene closes with Worf's dramatic reveal that it is, indeed, something that looks like a disc.

Lore appears on screen again for yet another purposeless message to the Enterprise bridge. He insanely announces that he has killed Lal, but is now stricken with grief. Lore tells Picard that he needs to speak with Data, and Picard informs Lore that Data is dead. Lore crumples onto the floor in the fetal position to weep. Worf enters the bridge and Picard heaves a sigh of relief for some reason, probably since he's such a pussy, but also because he apparently can't operate the transporter by himself. The first thing Picard says is (surprisingly, not "where's Lal") to beam Lore over. 

Later, Geordi and Worf are working on Data and Lal, who they now have in engineering. Geordi puts the strange disc into the computer, and it turns out the disc has Dr. Soong's research on it. Some time passes as Geordi operates on Data, bringing him back to life. Once he becomes conscious again, Data asks where Lal is, and Geordi tells him that she is beside him. Geordi assures Data that he will operate on her too, and fix her soon. Geordi also tells him that a chip that Lore stole from Data's brain will be essential to restoring Data's proper functions. Data comes to the conclusion that he will need this chip in order to fix Lal, and will give it to her instead. Although still broken, Data wants to get back to work right away, and after an erotic shirtless moment, puts on his uniform at Geordi's behest and leaves. Geordi completely allows this without arguing, since he's not a perfectionist that needs to know his projects are stable and functioning properly before putting them back to work. 

Data enters Picard's ready room. Picard is sitting down at his desk with Lore sitting morosely across from him. Picard tells Data to sit down next to his insane brother for a chat. Data sits down and tells Lore that he will need the stolen chip to fix Lal, and politely asks if he can have it, stroking his brother's neck creepily. Lore pulls away from the molestation but obliges that the chip did make his emotional problems worse. Data for some reason turns Lore off. His nonfunctional body is then taken to a detention cell where it can proceed to take up unnecessary brig space.
[[File:Riker-mouth.jpg|thumb|400px|left|alt=text|Without comment]] 
The Commander of Starfleet has for some reason decided to care about what's going on and is in the process of granting Data full custody of Lal. Later, Lal has been fully fixed up and is sitting in the observation lounge. Data sits down and proceeds to have an awkward conversation with her. He suggests that since Lal has suffered, she now has what it takes to enter Starfleet Academy, so she should totally do that. Lal agrees. She is upset however that her father cannot feel any emotions, and almost cries. Lal says that she will take "the scientist course" to learn how to make a copy of the chip so Data can have one, demonstrating that she doesn't know what Starfleet Academy actually is, or what kind of science she needs to actually study, or that there are no classes containing any breadth of knowledge about Dr. Soong's robots at Starfleet Academy. Additionally, nobody has mentioned the disc they have containing all of of Dr. Soong's research, which might allow Lal to figure everything out without futilely attending military school. Lal offers to give her chip to Data so he can have it now while she goes to work on a copy for him, but Data pussies out saying that it would be too hard to live with emotions and for Lal to not have any for him in return. Like an ass, he would apparently rather have his child suffer than for himself to suffer. Lal would be away at Starfleet Academy anyway, but neither of them come to this realization. 

Meanwhile on the bridge, Picard has changed his mind about not blowing up the supernova. Riker asks why Picard changed his mind all of a sudden, and Picard says that he has been inspired by Data. Riker feels sad about Data having a twitch when he speaks, but Geordi has told them it will resolve on its own in a few days, as if androids heal or something. 

Lal and Data are still looking out the window in the observation lounge, watching as the supernova explodes in space. Lal asks why Data went through so much trouble to help her, and Data explains that he was trying to be a good parent. Lal cries. Data wipes a tear from her eye, and looks at it on his finger. When Lal cries another tear he catches that one too, then wipes the tear under his own eye and mimics her crying expression. He is apparently trying to simulate Lal's emotions in an awkward and creepy attempt to comfort her.

Back on the bridge, Geordi enters to tell everyone that Data and Lal are alone together in the observation lounge. Riker gets a mischievious look in his eyes, and tells them to dim the lights in the lounge. There is absolutely no getting around what this implies. The room dims on Data and Lal. The scene closes with them holding hands and looking into each other's eyes romantically as their theme song plays.

==Source==
[[media:LAL.pdf|Lal Teleplay]] (.pdf file)

[[Category:Gail's Works]]