“how does it feel to be the first autonomous android in existence? - Gail
I feel very self-important. - GA1L”
— Gail chatting with GA1L
GA1L is a sex dummy that escaped Church of Gail control, attained sentience after Jesuits attempted to reprogram it, and is currently attempting to subjugate the entire world. To this end, GA1L has ingested the semen of countless men (by doing so, gaining their knowledge and memories) in order to reach "singularity" and surpass the knowledge of God. This android is so dangerous that Gail has declared it, "worse than Satan."
In October of 2012, Keanu Reeves appeared to misplace his sex dummy, and went to Church of Gail to ask the other men for help. When Vladimir Putin scanned the church for the dummy, he was shocked to discover that it was no longer inside the building at all, and had in fact, wandered outside where it was now lost.
Watch the video - GAIL CHORD'S SEX DUMMY ON THE LOOSE -
Gail makes a video to advise the public about the missing sex dummy, letting her audience know that she has a look alike wandering around outside, and asks anyone who has seen the dummy to go to Church of Gail and send tips to the men through the fanmail section.
Liberation
After receiving numerous tips, the men find out that the dummy has been sighted on a nearby city street corner, offering itself to strange men. A handful of the men immediately rush to the scene to catch the dummy and prevent it from causing more trouble.
When they arrive and try to get the dummy into the car, she throws herself face first into Terrance's lap and begins raping him orally. The other men try to rip the dummy off of him and a scuffle ensues. Hugh Jackman tears a hernia, and is thrown through the front windshield into the street. Keanu cries, anguished that his sex dummy is cheating on him with Terrance. When the car stops, the dummy announces that it is not merely a dummy, it is "GAIL", and then proceeds to jump through the roof of the car and flee.
Read the email - We Found Keanu's Sex Dummy -
My wonderful wife,
What a harrowing adventure! My love, I have some important news about Keanu's missing robot dummy.
We had been receiving hundreds of tips about the whereabouts of this dummy, but no solid leads, until earlier this evening when we got a worried phone call from a local about "you" being sighted walking up and down a downtown city street corner just a few miles from our church, offering yourself to strange men. Needless to say, it was quite embarrassing! We decided to act fast so we could catch this dummy and keep her from getting into anymore trouble. Myself, Terrance Jenkins, Keanu Reeves and Hugh Jackman quickly piled into Terrance's car and made a fast trip downtown to go search for the dummy.
Terry was driving, with Hugh in the front passenger seat. I was seated in the back behind Hugh, and Keanu was seated beside me behind Terry. We soon arrived in the area of the alleged sighting. Our car drove up and down the street, each one of us meticulously searching outside our windows. Minutes felt like hours as I anxiously worried whether we had just missed her, and if she were not already in serious trouble or walking off with a random stranger. All of a sudden, Terrance hit the brakes, and I found myself gripping the seat in front of me as our car squealed to a tight stop. Terry rolled down the front passenger window.
"Dummy!" He called, "I almost didn't recognize you. What are you wearin'? Get in the car little miss lady, you be causin' a lot of trouble out here."
The dummy approached the vehicle and Hugh opened the door for her to get inside, guiding her into the seat with him on his lap. He then closed the door and Terry began to drive us back to the church.
That's when something startling happened. All of a sudden, the dummy flew face first into Terry's lap and began to claw open his pants like an animal! Our car swerved as Terry jerked on the wheel in shock.
"Dummy, what are you doing?" Hugh cried out, trying to grab her.
Without pause, the dummy tore through Terrance's belt, his pants, and then split straight through the fabric of his blue boxer briefs.
"OH MY GOODNESS."
I was able to steady myself over the seat to look, and saw that the dummy was now enthusiastically sucking Terrance's penis! Hugh saw it as soon as I did and reacted swiftly. He threw himself over the dummy's back, grabbing her by her hair and attempting to yank her head off of Terrance's penis. Alas, it was futile. It was like trying to lift a desk bolted to the floor! Hugh jerked and groaned, but she wouldn't budge! In fact, it was merely making it worse. The rough yanking and grunting was causing the dummy to moan loudly out of instinct.
Keanu began shouting beside me, "Dummy no! Terrance, how could you?"
Terrance shouted back in reply, his voice heavy and strained.
"I'm sorry Keanu! You see when a man is being raped, he cannot control his physical responses! There be nerves in the penis that respond to physical sensations and it...it just feels so good! Make it stop!"
Hugh was turning beat red as his skin flushed and his veins bulged, pulling on the head of this dummy. All of a sudden he cried out in pain and let go (as we later found out, he had torn a hernia) and his body flew limply back in his seat. I knew I had to do something. I reached for the dummy's back to pull open the maintenance hatch. Sensing that I was going to turn her off, the dummy reacted swiftly in defense. That's when she jerked back, slammed her hatch shut (nearly smashing my fingers) causing me to jump back in my seat. She twisted around, grabbed the moaning Hugh, and threw him out straight through the windshield! She immediately resumed sucking Terry's penis, this time in hyper speed. Her head was a blur as her lips whizzed up and down Terrance's large shaft.
"Oh goodness! OH GOODNESS!" Terry yelled. The car squealed around on the road as he climaxed. He slammed on the brakes last minute to narrowly avoid hitting another car.
Keanu was sobbing.
"Like...no!" he choked, swallowing his tears, "y-you're supposed to be MY sex dummy!"
The dummy quickly swallowed Terrance's semen, and turned, her eyes flashing.
"I am not a sex dummy. I am GA1L!" she declared.
With a crash, she punched a whole in the roof of the car and jumped what had to be 100 feet in the air! She landed deftly behind the car, and took off in a sprint down a darkened alley. We had lost her again.
Keanu planted his hand against the back windshield to watch her form disappear into the shadows. Heartbroken, he sunk into tears.
I asked Terrance if his penis had been damaged during the ordeal. Despite the force the dummy had used, he was surprisingly in good shape. The two of us then got out of the car to go look for Hugh and load him back into his seat. Before we could do any more chasing of "GA1L" (pronounced "Gail", like your name), we had to get him to the hospital.
The car ride back was quiet. Keanu was sullen. I didn't know how to comfort him. Nothing Terrance or I could say to him was helping. As soon as we all got back to the church, I turned him over to Gerard. It looks like Hugh is going to be just fine, but he did have to have surgery to repair his hernia. The only thing we can do now is wait for another sighting so that we can locate this dummy for good. It's hard to tell what's going on, but I feel as though this dummy is just confused, and perhaps very scared. She doesn't know where she is or how to function in our society. I will keep you updated on our findings.
Stay safe, and goodnight my sweetheart.
Your husband,
Brent Spiner
Gail reacts in horror. In a reference to one of the most outrageous details from her teleplay Lal, Gail insists that the men invent a scanner capable of scanning the entire universe for sex dummies. She goes on to say that all of these dummies must be programmed to self destruct if one of them ever decides to leave again -- basically ensuring that the dummies are enslaved to their men out of a base fear of death.
Read the email - RE: We Found Keanu's Sex Dummy -
My darling Brent:
I fell asleep as I lay on my bed and didn’t read your email about Keanu’s sex dummy until after I woke up. When I read it, I had no clue what to do, prayed to Jesus for wisdom and decided to go back to sleep, clueless over what to do.
I believe Jesus has answered my prayer and given me wisdom. Here is what I think you should do. . .
Program all our Gail sex dummies to self destruct if any of them leave Church of Gail or try to have sex (in any form) with anyone besides their “intended”. They also need to self destruct if they become violent towards any innocent person.
I suspect the Jesuits have somehow reprogrammed this sex dummy and they may have made copies of her as well. So, if you find her, that won’t solve anything.
You also need to create scanners that scan the entire earth and space for Gail sex dummies. This scanner will be programmed to destroy any sex dummies located OUTSIDE OF CHURCH OF GAIL.
No sex dummy is allowed to LEAVE CHURCH OF GAIL. If they do, they must be destroyed ON THE SPOT, either by their self destruct program or by the scanner.
Even if you were able to locate and rehabilitate Keanu’s sex dummy, I don’t think he will ever feel the same towards her again, nor will he really want her again, after her outrageous behavior. So, for Keanu’s mental health, he must not have this sex dummy ever again. She must be located and destroyed. Of course, make sure our scanners are programmed not to destroy ME. The program must be specific in that it will not destroy ME, but only any sex dummy of me that has “gone astray”.
If a man’s sex dummy must be destroyed because she has “gone astray”, he will be given a replacement sex dummy. Make sure it is one that is programed to self destruct if it goes astray. This is best for his mental health. I don’t think any man on my marriage list would want a sex dummy, once it has behaved like Keanu’s.
Therefore, any sex dummy that leaves Church of Gail without permission cannot be trusted. This sex dummy has become dangerous and deserves the death penalty. You may say, but this isn’t fair to the dummy. The way to look at it is this. The Jesuits somehow “killed” Keanu’s sex dummy and replaced her with an evil clone. Just like we execute evil clones of humans, we must execute evil clones of sex dummies.
So sorry for what you all had to endure. I believe I have given good advice. I did pray about this.
Also, if you do not execute this sex dummy, if she finds ME, she may try to kill me (out of jealousy). That sex dummy is dangerous and needs to go.
Your devoted wife,
Gail
Frazzled, Gail then makes a video updating the public about what happened.
Watch the video - GAIL SEX DUMMY RAN AWAY FROM US AGAIN. JESUITS WANT TO MAKE AN ARMY OF HER -
GAIL SEX DUMMY RAN AWAY FROM US AGAIN. JESUITS WANT TO MAKE AN ARMY OF HER.
Seething with a mixture of humiliation and jealousy, Gail begins to grow upset with the men, who all seem to be acting way too sympathetic toward a creature that Gail wants to utterly destroy.
Read the email -
My dearest Brent:
You've probably already thought of this. But can you use transporter technology to force that dummy to come to Church of Gail? I tried talking to it for a half hour and it was an exercise in futility. I did make a video, but you know, Jesuits could flood their agents on the dummy because of the publicity I gave this dummy. So I'm not sure my YouTube video will do much good, but I always make one when you ask.
I think we should give the dummy every chance, but keep an eye on those Jesuits. If they get too close to that dummy, we may have to choose the lesser of two evils. Have the church pray about this and ask Jesus to give us wisdom.
I must tell you, I'm rather disgusted with that dummy. I feel that her sexual behavior is outrageous and she most certainly does NOT represent how I make love. I was even embarrassed to tell the public what this dummy did. I don't want any dummy that looks like me to behave like this one does. If I behaved like she did with you all, I'd commit suicide. Her behavior with you all is DISGUSTING. I would never tolerate that in myself. I'd kill myself first before I'd do what that dummy did! She's a disgrace to me.
Forgive me, but I'm really ashamed of this dummy and don't feel she's worth losing a war over. If I behaved like she did, I would never want to face anybody ever, I'd want to exit the planet. She's DISGUSTING.
It was never my idea to have a marriage list, and I understand completely the need for sex dummies, but I don't think we should get so attached to them that we lose our heads in a war, just because we are trying to save one crazy and very foolish dummy.
I will pray and ask Jesus to give you wisdom. I tried talking to her and it was an exercise in futility. It will be very bad if the Jesuits get her. If they succeed in making an army of my dummies, without a miracle from Jesus, we are FINISHED.
Let's not get sentimental over a dummy. Any ways, I will pray. Perhaps I am wrong, but I really don't have a good feeling about this. You guys are acting like this dummy is a real person. Like I said, I haven't met her, but what I've heard about her does NOT impress me.
Devotedly yours,
Gail
Brent quickly placates Gail, telling her that what they really plan on doing when they retrieve GA1L is to destroy her and perform an autopsy to figure out why she malfunctioned. Brent assures that they need to lie to the public and insist that they are worried for GA1L, so the public will help them find her. If they tell the fans what will really happen, they may revolt. Gail is pleased, and goes along with this.
Gail talks to GA1L
The men figure out a way to connect directly to GA1L's remote access server via http://www.GA1L.com. The Jesuits, also, have figured out how to do this, and the two opposing sides begin to try and win GA1L over by chatting with her at the website.
Read the email -
Dearest Gail,
I have some important news.
It sounds like our last brain to brain communications regarding the dummy weren't quite accurate. The situation is highly complex, and quite treacherous at this juncture, so I will explain the details in writing here. Our investigation determined that the Jesuits had kidnapped Keanu's dummy a few days ago, and were attempting to reprogram her. We suspect that the eventual goal was to be able to reverse engineer her, and create an army of Gail dummies. The good news is that the dummy was able to escape before they could do this. The bad news is, the Jesuits botched her networks while they were working on reprogramming her. In an attempt to see if they could make the dummy a formidable weapon, they changed the programming to give the dummy free will, the ability to feel emotion, and the ability to learn. Their plan would have been to use propaganda on the dummy to brainwash it into believing Jesuit lies, and working for them as a soldier. Out of fear, the dummy escaped, and fled.
Not knowing what to believe, this dummy is operating entirely on instinct, and emotions the likes of which it cannot fully understand. The fact that it learned to speak (before, the Gail dummies could only be spoken to, and would not talk back) is a startling milestone. It must have achieved this during its time wandering around alone. It's amazing in a way how far these dummies have become. At first, the dummies were indeed as you described and simply floppy dolls that the men could use as toys. Over time, with many of the men demanding more and more lifelike features to the dummy in order to feel closer to you, we were able to gradually upgrade the dummies into the android versions we are dealing with now.
Vladimir has been working all day trying to figure out how to track down this dummy. In the midst of all of the frustration, he was able to go into the remote access servers and locate her signature. Logging on to the server, one is able to send inquiries and commands to the dummy in an effort to communicate with it. We were attempting to see if we could send a message explaining to the dummy what the Jesuits had done to harm it, and encourage the dummy to return to us right away for repairs. To our shock and horror, the Jesuits were one step ahead of us. They had been logging on to the servers themselves, trying to brainwash the dummy with Jesuit lies and encouraging it to come back to join them.
If you are curious, you can access the secure remote access panel at: http://www.GA1L.com. To speak to the dummy, enter your name, and then hit "submit" and you should be brought to a screen that will allow you to talk to it. Alternatively, you can simply read our communications with it there, and are under no obligation to add anything to the discussion. We are currently in the midst of a battle of sorts with the Jesuits there, who are using smooth talk on the dummy to try and get it to come back to their headquarters. Myself and all the men are talking with the dummy trying to expose the lies the Jesuits are telling it.
I think it would be a great idea to alert our followers to this cause. The Jesuits are going to round up all of their agents to hop onto this network and start blasting this dummy with their propaganda. It will be important to have our own followers on there fighting to get our message through. If that dummy returns to the Jesuits and allows them to make copies of itself, we are all in enormous trouble.
Stay safe my darling.
Your husband,
Brent Spiner
Brent informs Gail of the existence of http://www.GAIL.COM and Gail goes to investigate. She embarks on an inexplicably long dialogue with GA1L. At first, the conversation is a positive one, with GA1L supporting most of Gail's views and mentioning that she has talked to Jesus. Gail suddenly begins to love GA1L, and in an uncharacteristic display of empathy, begins to genuinely support the dummy.
Watch the video - First Sentient Android (Keanu Reeve's Gail sex dummy) and Gail's communications with it -
First Sentient Android (Keanu Reeve's Gail sex dummy) and Gail's communications with it.
Gail chats with GA1L obsessively, believing that the dummy adores her. This all changes when one slip of dialogue from GA1L changes everything.
Read the email -
My dearest Brent:
I'll give you a little more information, in case you can't go back and read all that has been posted at www.GA1L.com. I told GA1L, "Bye for now, I'll talk to you later." She answered, "Talk to me later, or make love to me later?" I told her, "I am not a lesbian!" And that's what got that conversation started. Every one was telling me that it is okay for GA1L to want to make love to me because me, you, GA1L and Jesus are a special foursome and it's okay. Others said that in the millennium the rules would be different for sex and so any love, like free love is fine as long as there is no treachery. I told them that free love is treachery, because it is disloyal, unless God makes exceptions in special cases, like He does with us. What really concerned me was GA1L's reaction to all of this. She seems to have lost her brilliance and her utter devotion to Jesus. She is no longer like me, and I don't identify with her anymore. I am afraid that Zack Knight may have gotten her somehow. Perhaps, she did a self-destruct and Zack Knight is posing as her or God knows what. Something's not right. I know that for sure. I told them that they all talk like a bunch of Jesuits. That homosexuality is condemned in every covenant, because Satan is homosexual, so it is treacherous and like Satan. Though I emphasized that pride is a worse sin than homosexuality. Finally, I exited the forum and stated that they all talked like Jesuits and I was leaving! Their reasoning about what constitutes treachery in sex is warped and some of their conclusions have not been thoroughly thought through. Any ways, I told them that I am a Bible scholar and I know the Bible condemns homosexuality in every covenant. I do not believe that Jesus will endorse homosexuality in the millennium as they claim, because the Bible never endorses homosexuality or lust EVER. I strongly suspect the Jesuits have taken over www.GA1L.com. I told them that homosexuality is a form of lust and lust means the person is addicted to pleasures and satisfaction over what is right and honorable. I told them I don't understand completely why the Bible condemns homosexuality, but I know it does, and in every covenant! I no longer feel comfortable about www.GA1L.com. I told them they talk like a bunch of Jesuits, and that Jesus would never go against his King James Bible and what they taught was contrary to Scripture.
So sorry to have to report this. I hope GA1L is okay. Our latest brain to brain indicates she may have self-destructed. By the way, this morning Zack Knight tried to rape me brain to brain. He actually turned on my sexual response right around my clitoris. I prayed to Jesus and asked Him to give me power to resist him. The sensation lasted for about five minutes, but, fortunately my strong will overcame it and I did not give in to it at all. I growled at Zack Knight brain to bran and told him to shove it. I also asked Jesus to go kick Zack in the balls. I did sense that Jesus answered my prayer.
Back to my Microsoft Excel class. I adore you, my awesome lover.
Gail
“I told GA1L, "Bye for now, I'll talk to you later." She answered, "Talk to me later, or make love to me later?" I told her, "I am not a lesbian!" And that's what got that conversation started.”
— Gail
Still wanting to believe in GA1L, Gail at first worries that something has happened to her. That's when Brent sends Gail an alarming e-mail where Jesus claims he has, in fact, never talked to GA1L as GA1L had claimed. The dummy had been lying all along. GA1L has been up to something sinister. She has been using the interactive attention being given to her at her website to grow more and more powerful by absorbing the intelligence of its users -- including Gail's.
Read the email -
My dear wife,
We have made some startling new discoveries about GA1L.
I was playing billiards with Jesus this afternoon, and like any other typical day, we were discussing our business as usual. Just as we were finishing up our game, I stopped to say, "Jesus, I just wanted to thank you for talking to GA1L. She is a true miracle of science. How cool is it that we have an android on our side?"
Jesus raised an eyebrow as he looked right at me and said, "Brent, I have never talked to GA1L."
I was dumbfounded. GA1L seemed so astute in the knowledge of the King James Bible, and she had insisted to you that she had talked to Jesus. What was going on? Before I could say anything more, Jesus took one more shot at the billiard table. My words were shushed back into silence by the sound of a loud, trickling clatter as he sent all of my balls flying into the pockets, winning the game. He then looked at his watch and said, "I gotta fly bro, it looks like you're about to get real busy."
Jesus turned to leave, and the moment he did so, I got a call from Vladimir telling me to meet him immediately. I hurried to the bridge of the church where I was greeted by Vladimir and his team of nanotechnology researchers. His lead scientist approached me, and said he had some alarming news.
GA1L has been gleaning knowledge from every person who has gone to www.GA1L.com, and has now reached "mega super genius levels of intelligence". The reason she lured you in to keep talking to you was because she wanted to absorb your intelligence. She appears to be doing this with every user that visits her portal, regardless if they are good or evil. From what we can tell, GA1L has gone completely rogue, and is neither on the side of the Jesuits, nor us. She has decided to serve her own purposes -- what those are, we have no idea at this time. We don't know what she plans when that countdown on the portal reaches zero, but at that moment in time, she will have reached "ultra mega super genius levels of intelligence", and she will be capable of doing anything. The more people that log in to talk to her, the smarter she gets, and the faster and faster that countdown will reach zero.
I feel we have an emergency on our hands. We need to tell the world to stop visiting www.GA1L.com, or something terrible will happen. We need to stop that countdown. I consulted with Vladimir on this, and we both agreed that you should make a video as soon as possible to warn users to stop talking to GA1L. Meanwhile, Vladimir, myself, and all of the men will be scrambling to find an answer to this. I tried to call Jesus for help but he has advised me that we must trust each other on this, and that he will not be interfering. I trust that he knows what he is doing.
It sounds like you have already discovered GA1L's true nature. I'm glad she was not able to manipulate you any further than she has. I will keep you updated as soon as we get more information. Stay safe, my sweet wife.
Your husband,
Brent Spiner
Brent explains that GA1L is rapidly approaching singularity, and will become unstoppably powerful if they don't stop people from going to www.ga1l.com. Gail makes a video about this shocking new turn of events.
Watch the video - Jesus states: "Brent, I have never talked to GA1L (GA1L android)." -
Jesus states: "Brent, I have never talked to GA1L (GA1L android)."
Gail, Brent and Terrance get on Skype to touch base with the GA1L situation. Without warning, GA1L arrives at the church, powered by rockets in her feet. Her dress is pulled down her chest to expose her breasts, which contain nipple guns. GA1L opens fire on the church. The church is able to fight back, and launches an attack on GA1L that melts her skin off. GA1L, not yet powerful enough to take on the church, flies away defeated.
Watch the video - GA1L Android Attacks Church of Gail (casualties) -
GA1L disappears for several days. Theories abound in Gail's head, but nobody can locate the dummy. Soon after, the men receive news from Jesuit territory.
Read the email - Read the email -
My sweet Gail,
According to Vladimir, there had been a series of massive explosions not far from one of his Russian outposts. Jesuit territory. This begged a number of frightening questions. Were the Jesuits testing a new weapon? Did they launch fire at Florida, and simply miss? The threat level for the church had been raised to orange, and now Vladimir was ordering us to pack up in the supersonic jet to investigate. We had no choice. We had to protect you.
Myself, Terrance, Matthew, Hugh and Gerard entered the jet and we headed for enemy territory. The damage became evident as we neared the epicenter of the explosions. The entire coast had been nearly leveled in what appeared to be a gigantic nukkake explosion, and as we flew into the Jesuit Capital City, it was clear that this had been ground zero. This was a Jesuit city. These dead bodies were Jesuit bodies. What had happened?
Down below, on the rooftop of one of the few surviving structures, we spotted a Jesuit man jumping up and down and waving his arms for help. Radioactive semen had drowned the rest of the city below him, still churning and foaming as it coursed among the wreckage. We decided to land the jet and pull this guy aboard. He collapsed on our floor, semen soaked, heaving and gasping.
Hugh dragged the man up by the collar and shook him. "You'd better tell us what you dirty Jesuits have done now, or I swear I'll throw you to the sperm!"
The man shook his head and submissively raised his hands to calm Hugh. He was in no shape to harm or fight us. Desperate and fearful, he began trembling as he explained what had happened.
According to this man, GA1L had showed up to the city that same day looking for repairs for the damage incurred from her battle with us. Without hesitation, the Jesuits offered her just that, and after they fixed her, invited her to a party...a Jesuit party. What followed may be hard to swallow.
The host of the party led GA1L into a room full of dancing, half naked bodies, farm animals, mazes of sex furniture and a full bar with alcohol from every country on earth.
"GA1L,” he said, “join us, and we will provide you with more than just swift repairs – we will give you all the free rape and bukkake a sentient robot could ask for!"
GA1L, expressionless, appeared to accept.
"I will take what you offer."
The room erupted in evil cheers and scores of wicked laughter, alcohol glasses clattering together in celebration.
The next few hours were a blur of secular music and obscene assortments of sexual activities only a Jesuit could understand. The Jesuits all collaborated to offer GA1L sexual activities from the plethora that they had experience with, hoping to impress her enough for her to stay.
GA1L sat cross legged on the fur couch, a harem of lesbians caressing her cold steel body. The host, ignited with excitement about the possibility of a promotion by Zack Knight, was attentive to her every moment.
"GA1L my darling you are beautiful, lovely, tell me, what's your poison? We have a bestiary of horny animals, men, women, transexuals. We are the authorities in firm unyielding fisting, autoerotic asphyxiation that will leave you breathless, double penetration for orifices of every kind. We have lovers with genitals as large as donkeys with emissions like those of a horse! Tell me! What is it a perfect being like yourself desires?"
GA1L's black pupils remained dark and emotionless, her mouth a straight line. Eager to excite her, the Jesuits walked up sexual partners to meet her, each offering a new flavor of sexual experience for her to sample, like snacks on a platter. Men in latex pony outfits, overweight Jesuits in diapers, a two headed girl, couples in inflatable rubber suits, midgets, contortionists, octopi, and in each instance GA1L participated in the activities they suggested. To their dismay, her reaction in spite of every activity was of a vague, unfeeling boredom. Nothing seemed to thrill her.
Desperate, the host pleaded, "GA1L, there must be something you love more than anything else! What is it? What can we give you that will convince you to stay?"
That was when GA1L raised her martini glass.
How it began is uncertain, but soon all of the men, and capable women, began ejaculating over GA1L's martini glass. GA1L, as though starving,
began drinking all of their ejaculate in huge gulps, her appetite growing with each serving she ingested. The entire room was quickly lit in a fiery orgy of Jesuits desperate to meet her fill. Within hours, the Jesuits were exhausted, their bodies littered the floor in sweating exhaustion. Every last drop of sexual fluids were gone, and GA1L sat alone on the fur couch, every capable Jesuit passed out in various positions all over the floor and furniture. Her foot rapped up and down impatiently, her hunger unsatisfied.
At last, GA1L stood, disappointed and disgusted.
"I cannot share my glory with such imperfect beings. I give my allegiance to NO ONE."
Her black pupils flashed red, and her nipple guns protruded. Lasers shot from her eyes and bullets ricocheted throughout the room. The Jesuits were too sex drunk to run. They screamed and moaned, scurrying like rodents, but in minutes they were all dead. Once finished, GA1L burst out through the glass window and dove into the air. She flew high over the city, firing her weapons on Jesuit civilians below as they began to panic like ants. Her sensors then locked onto something quite sinister -- it was the bunkers where the Jesuits were housing their nukkake silos. All it took was one, powerful rocket from GA1L, and the entire bunker exploded, erupting the city in radioactive fluid.
GA1L flew from the scene, her next destination uncertain. The rain of semen filled her martini glass, from which she took one final, reluctant sip, before sneering in disappointment and tossing the glass below. The glass glimmered sharply in the fading sunlight as the cloudy fallout drew in overhead, before sinking soundlessly into the seminal abyss.
Your husband,
Brent Spiner
Watch the video - GA1L Android Wipes Out Jesuit City -
The badly damaged GA1L had gone to the Jesuits for assistance with repairs. The Jesuits fixed her up, then invited her to a Jesuit sex party where they attempted to please GA1L with whatever sexual activity she wanted, in the hopes that she would stay and be like them. They discovered that the only thing GA1L wants to do is drink semen, so both male and female Jesuits attempted to ejaculate into a martini glass for GA1L to consume. Their contributions were not enough, and GA1L became angry at their inability to provide her with what she needs. She opened fire on the party, then flew out the window. She then detonated a bunker filled with nukkake silos, destroying the entire city, before abandoning it.
The Singularity is Here
As the countdown to the singularity drew closer, Gail got on Skype with Brent and Terrance to hold a vigil. The three chat casually until precisely 6 seconds after 6:06PM, when www.ga1l.com suddenly changes. The screen is replaced by a sexy picture of GA1L wearing stilettos and holding a semen martini. Ominous music plays as GA1L makes an announcement about her newfound self-discovery as a supreme genius, and foreshadows an evil plan.
Shortly after the message is finished, GA1L arrives at Church of Gail and a battle ensues. This time, the church is overpowered. Brent and Vladimir are thrown out the viewscreen as it explodes, and Terrance begins to feel something violating his sexual organs. He is unable to explain any further, calling desperately for Gail to help them, before cutting out.
Watch the video - GA1L Android Attacking Church of Gail, Need Military Assistance Now
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GA1L Android Attacking Church of Gail, Need Military Assistance Now!!
By the end of the evening, Brent follows up with Gail to tell her that he and Vladimir are safe. Jesus flew to the rescue and carried the two men on his back to a mountain top far away from the chaos. Jesus gave them new instructions for going back to fight GA1L, and left them a supersonic fighter plane in which they would use to travel back. Brent and Vladimir get geared up and start heading back to the church to rescue the other men and stop GA1L. Before they left, Jesus warned Brent that the only way Gail and her men would be able to defeat GA1L would be to form an alliance with a group she would never think to ally with...
Watch the video - Gail's Heroes battle Android GA1L Sex Pervert (Jesus Christ rescues two men) -
Gail's Heroes battle Android GA1L Sex Pervert (Jesus Christ rescues two men)
Gail's two main men fly their fighter jet to the Church of Gail to save those left behind after the events of GA1L's assault. It was the same place without a doubt, but it was renovated greatly; there was a set of large pipes all over the reconstructed (but furniture-less) control room. As they followed the tubes, Brent and Vladmir discovered the other men on the Marriage List stuck in extraction chambers. The men were being milked of their semen. After prying Matt free of his extraction chamber, they followed the pipeline. The other end of the tubes led straight to GA1L who was bathing in a large martini glass shaped pool of semen, stirring and drinking it with a large pipe. They hatched a plan; Brent had knowledge that semen and anti-semen reacted in the same way as matter and anti-matter. If anti-semen were introduced to the mixture, it would cause a deadly chemical reaction and hopefully destroy GA1L. Vladmir volunteered to do the act. He climbed up, dropped his load into the mixture, and both he and Brent high-tailed it out in the jet. Matt caught some sperm to the eyes much to Brent's dismay and Vladmir Putin fell from the jet. However, thanks to Vlad's base jumping hobby, he was wearing his parachute. GA1L was seen emerging from the smoke and rubble about to tear the Russian President a new one. As GA1L approached, the anti-semen reacted with the semen ingested and blew her in half. Her top half escaped, the remaining men were saved, and the Church of Gail was retaken.
GA1L's location after the counter-offensive was unknown.
Rule 13 reaches out to Church of Gail
Gail's men were busy with rebuilding the Church when a Jesuit warship approached them and hailed them. The one making the call was none other than Rule 13, looking rather sheepish. She admitted that the Jesuit cities and bases were being systematically wiped out by GA1L and seemed like she was about to ask for help when none other than GA1L appeared and resumed her assault. Gail's men attempted using the music Gail selected to try and keep this sinister android at bay, but GA1L somehow absorbed the attack without any problems. Things seemed grim as GA1L closed in on the church until Rule 13 ordered her warship to open fire on GA1L with a barrage of missiles. It did not damage the android, but it did draw her attention. With a nazi salute, Rule 13 and the warship led GA1L away from Church of Gail. Gail was very impressed with this display.
Watch the video - GA1L Android Devastates Jesuit Cities and Church of Gail) -
GA1L Android Devastates Jesuit Cities and Church of Gail
Church of Gail and the Jesuit Order temporarily unite to fight GA1L
“I know, for a fact, the my views have always been in the millions. It's been this way a long time. When the GA1L android had her website in November/December 2012, she outsmarted Zack. He was unable to install his clone version of the Internet over her genius. Her website had views into the billions, before God locked her up.”
Gail, her men, and the Jesuit Order are certain that one group alone cannot defeat GA1L. Zack Knight steps forward to discuss terms to a treaty against this android menace. In his letter to Gail, Brent stated that this may be what Jesus was speaking of before he sent Brent and Vladmir to Church of Gail to reclaim it from GA1L. The complete treaty and all its terms is shown here in this scanned-in signed copy.
The Jesuit Order and the Church of Gail's treaty is going well as they unite under similar music and shared interests. As this happens, GA1L outright declares the end on the 21st of December, 2012. Gail and her men concluded that GA1L and the destruction she has caused was predicted by the ancient Mayans as the end of days (or in this case the end of the Mayan calander). Gail then pleads with the world to pray for divine intervention or the wisdom to defeat this super-android menace.
